Life Series: A Dark Confession — Living In Poison
I think it took me a while to gather my courage and write this out.
Maybe I’m writing this because I am cynical, or maybe because I’m still lost.
I came back to Cambodia and found a place and the jackpot of people I thought I belonged with.
I spoke about how I didn’t leave for Canada when I should and that was because I was excited to find out what this jackpot of people and nestle of like-minded people are like.
A month after my decision to stay, I am finding out about the fact that a lot of times I rush into things like love, friendship, projects — it is in my nature and it’s been working out quite nicely before Cambodia.
So here again, I rushed into things — quick to befriend a group of what seemed like easy to fit in people, rushed into a relationship, rushed to pile my plate with loads and loads of project from my work, rushed to accept invites out of the city, going on trips…etc. I can go on and on about this but it turnt ugly now — rushing into a relationship left me with a somewhat painful experience, rushing into friendships meant skipping foundation thus, weak and delusional connections, rushing into piles of work meant reduction in quality — not the optimum and rushing to city getaway …meant I’m unable to continue to reinforce a good habit.
And the worse part was through it all, I felt I was on top of the world like what I’m doing was right — delusional.
Now the colors as showing, when I rush, I am partially blind to all the reality’s poisons and my optimist eyes can only see the good things. Well, nothing lasts forever and surely some community’s good image. I realized that I might be living in poison.
